Friday, June 11, 2004
i've returned to this the warmth of this cosy niche, here..
CJC combined concert went smoothly, the band played to a reasonable standard and my solo for "vesuvius" was executed with ease, and rather nicely too! hmm its kind of weird but saturday was the only day i felt that i was proud to be in this band.. prior to that, i felt no sense of attachment or belong to this society named, as the cjcsb.. rather, i was kinda detached from it all, and was little more than a "virtual" passenger, than an enthusiastic, vivacious musician whom actively participated in our band's activities..
perhaps it is apt, that i felt such joy and pride on sat, as it is, to me a closing chapter to my life as a musician in cjc.. i'm not willing, though, to give up playing the clarinet.. perhaps it signalled a new beginning, a renewal even? it nudged me into thinking that i seriously have to chart my course ahead, at least in the music scene..
in retrospection, i've certainly made some milestones in my musical career.. pristine, almost sparkling memories are etched in my mind.. like performing with the sjimb, the mus'art wind orchestra and the cjcsb.. performing clarinet solo works in pieces like "noah's ark", "vesuvius", "disco kids", frances yip's songs etc.. i've performed at many places: locally at countless locations like the Istana, Mac ritchie's band shell, sji's splendid performing arts centre, at the Singapore Conference Hall, the aesthetically resplendent and acoustically superb Esplanade, at the rustically charming victoria concert hall; abroad at sweden's city of Kristianstad, in the breathtakingly beautiful Heliga Trefaldighetskyrkan (Church of the Holy trinity) which was built in 1617, kristianstad's city centre, marching around the town.. i shall stop here, else i'll just ramble on about the sheer picturesque scenes of scandinavia.. but to say the least:
what wonderful thoughts..
i can't help but feel a tingh of sadness.. how many times have i put up a brave front and said that i cannot possibly feel sad once i leave this band cause it has given absolutely nothing worthwhile to cherish and remember.. this time i let that facade of mine down, and thought of the times i spent in band, though laced with rather dull, placid nuances, and realized that there are some moments that are worth remembering.. i thought i could detach myself from this place with no strings attached, i was wrong..
sat signalled the end of the musical pursuits of some of my dear friends, like matthew and yaoguang.. i tried persuading them not never to give up this wonderful activity which is music making, without any avail.. and if one wants to search for a reason that has but extinguished this spark in them, one can look no further than cjcsb.. it is sad, when a musician decides to give up music for good.. i shall not go into details to promote music, but to put it simply, music is life. for a musician to give up music in this way, it is but a shame..
yaoguang told me something interesting onboard the bus today, when we're going home.. he said something like he felt so dull and hated music during cjc's band practice, and wanted many times to give it all up; but he can't help but feel that he has a long way to go in the pursuit of music, and has this renewed vigour whenever he attends sji's alumni band practice.. perhaps a hope? we shall see.. i in all sincerity do not want any of my friends to give up music, because i am inspired by the magic of music, and would want to share this immense magical brillance with them.
"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
Aldous Huxley
