Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Finding myself: plunged into a abyss of darkness, lost--cold--miserable--confused--unstable--struggling to find myself.. alone in the
hellish vortex of battle.. surrounded by faces unfamiliar, unknown.. unable to reason.. cold limbs reaching out.. the air is dense, the stench of disease.. i'm alone.. stinging sensations pulsating thru my body.. arghhh!! life, ebbing away..
its not far away..
rising from the ashes.. can i once again restore my soul? the last week had totally sapped my energy.. feel soo drained.. exhausted.. worse, i achieved nothing.. absolutely zilch.. my school work this year is already shite.. now this.. haix.. spent all my energy trying to recover from that god-damned asthma attack.. i could've been taking my CTs now, if not for this.. ppl who think im so lucky to 'escape' from the CTs should think again.. give me the CTs anytime--just release me from this hell-hole! ``the nights spent shifting uncomfortably on my bed, sweating, breathless-ness, gasping for air, losing faith in myself.. the ordeal suffered when i'm on those damn steriods.. those round things only has this placebo effect.. it temporarily allows me to feel good.. feel high.. i lose all my senses when i'm on it..
sorry if i dun make sense.. 'cuz wad i write here is parallel to what i'm going thru now.. i'm just basically rambling nonsensical stuff.. i'm just finding an outlet to release all this pent up emotions within me.. i'm about to be shattered into smithereens.. only then, my soul would be released..
"of all the wonders that i yet have heard
it seems to me most strange that men should fear
seeing that death, a necessary end,
will come when it will come"--shakespeare's julius caesar
