Sunday, March 07, 2004
i'm back.. erm not back blogging i mean.. haha.. i mean that julian's back.. during the course of the week, i've done alot of thinking, reflecting and pondering.. i'm already 90% recovered, and mentally i'm almost back to the spirited, driven julian of the past.. i've just realized that i've not been myself for the whole of last year, spiritually.. i'm physically in cjc, but my heart was still in my alma mater, sji..
i was here, but not really here.. perhaps reality has finally sunk in, and i feel the need to move on..
inspired by thoughts flashing thru my mind.. thoughts of happier days in my life--laughing friends around me, my wonderful family, scenes of Scandinavia keep running thru my mind.. these thoughts have lifted me.. i'm inspired.. i now look at things in a positive light.. i believe that if
there's a will, there'll be a way..
i'm back, stronger.. these trials and tribulations in life only serve to toughen one's soul, empowering one's mind.. its important how we pick up from failures and disappointments.. for me, i've recovered, both physically and spiritually, and is keen to take on life's challenges.. i've risen from the ashes..
the three things that would take precedence this year are: firstly, studies; secondly, friendship and lastly, god..
studying has always been a chore for me.. i dread reading notes.. i've not studied for more than 30 mins since the promos, when the longest i've studied was 2 hrs.. the longest i've studied in my whole entire life is 3 hrs? haha.. i dread the bore of studying.. put simply, i hate studying.. this must be reversed.
however i feel that what i'm lacking is firstly the spark of
activation energy .. once i've started with my work i'm sure that things would go smoothly.. the problem is getting started.. :P my second deficiency is the thirst for learning.. everyone knows themselves best.. everybody are aware of their own intelligence, their capabilities.. we know what we're capable of.. we set our own heights.. our aims are only limited by our imagination.. i've not been pushing myself.. my grades are mediocre, to say the least.. i've been skiving, skimping thru jc life.. i MUST start challenging myself, for i feel that that is the noblest form of competition, although it can prove trying.. its meaningless to pit oneself against others.. it'll only breed negative competition.. we should compare with ourselves and ask ourselves if what we've achieved is of our true ability.. we must always challenge the boundaries of our abilities.. its okie if we've tried our best and failed.. but personally i feel its a crying shame, to regret not giving it our everything, and fail..
i will strive to be a perfectionist.. i must not stand for imperfection.. everything has to be understood.. leave no stone unturned.. arghhh..
at the end of the day.. we kneel on ground.. we must know, that every good things come from HIM.. our success, happiness, spirit etc.. we should appreciate what he has endowed in us.. we should feel fortunate.. we're blessed with such wonderful gifts.. we should use these gifts as instruments for making this world a better place..
